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Dear Prudence, I’ve known my friend “B” for around five years.We met as students and had a wonderful companionship through school and still remain close.Regardless of what Anita’s mother thinks, you and your husband should determine whether you can afford (and are willing) to help defray any further costs over the next six weeks, if for no other reason than that you want Anita and her baby to be well.If you cannot afford it, and if you believe it will not put either of them in harm’s way, your best option may be to encourage her to seek resources from the financial assistance center at the hospital where she plans to give birth.I want to warn her that stops may be inevitable and that she should keep her hands visible, be compliant at all times, etc., but I also don’t want to look like a crazy white mom who thinks this really good kid is going to get them into trouble.
She’s due in six weeks, and we discovered by accident that at some point she’d changed her mind. Anita won’t be able to afford the same level of care without our money, and her mother has accused us of being heartless. We can’t afford to support Anita and pursue adoption.
She was going through a rough time personally and began watching; over the years, she has become so obsessed with one of the lead actors that she now spends thousands of dollars to go to conventions across the country, attends related events, and generally finds reasons to be in his neighborhood.
They have “coincidentally” met several times, and he was rude to her on multiple occasions.
Nobody has any idea how bad the abuse was, or why we divorced, and I still have to see my ex on occasion.
My question is: How do I address my divorce circumstances politely, without burdening my new connections with a heavy dose of emotional content?